The Fragility Of Life
I have always been a bit of a worrier. This has made life even more difficult for me when tough times have come calling.
Stress level surged and worrying commenced. I would worry, worry and then worry some more. I thought if I worried it surely showed how much I cared. I honestly believed worrying and caring were one in the same.
As I grew much older I realized this idea only made me sad. I started making some changes. I began to realize that I could care, without worrying myself into a state of turmoil. Worrying does not change your circumstances. Worrying is natural of course, but in the end it only takes time away from living. The precious gift called life.
Our lives are so terribly fragile....
When cancer comes into your life, or another serious illness, what you worried about in the past become utterly insignificant. What cosumed your mind, seems silly and stupid.
In April 2012 I was diagnosed with Invasive Lobular Carcinoma. It was frightening to say the least and yet opened my eyes. One minute I was healthy and the next minute I was receiving radiation treatments five days a week. I also had a mastectomy.
I was 43 and realized like many in middle-life, that I did not have all the time in the world. Very quickly my eyes were opened. Maybe it is the human condition to think we have forever. You realize very quickly you don't. I have been cancer-free for almost 4 years now.
Several months after my last recontruction surgery for breast implants, I had the most shocking event of all that knocked me over. In October 2013, my dear husband Scott was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive cancer called Neuroendorcine Carcinoma and his stage 4 diagnosis gave him probably 1-2 years. He didn't drink, smoke and Scott exercised almost everyday. Within 9 months my best friend and partner in life was gone.
Of course, his sweet memory lives on so strongly and I feel him everyday in whatever I do. This blog and everything I do is for Scott and so many others out there who have been given a cancer diagnosis, another serious illness or have lost a loved one. I want to share my story and reach out to others. Serious Illness, losing a loved one, or being a caregiver, changes your life forever.
Now another cancer diagnosis has left me reeling. Someone I love so dearly has breast cancer. In under 4 years, cancer has come calling three times. Am I worried about my loved one? Sure I am. Most definitely. But I know now that worrying will not make them well again. Worrying will not show them my love. I must show them my love in action and words. And leave the rest to a higher power, leave the worrying to the stars.
