At A Loss For Words

I can't believe I am using those words for the title of today's blog. Usually I am not at a loss for words for much of anything.

I look back stunned, a wide-eyed widow, shocked to the core. A cancer survivor still adjusting to her own body changes and emotional trauma. Breast cancer and losing my dear Scott to cancer, all within 2 1/2 years.

How could the magnitude of such events be expressed in any word, any shape or form? They can't if I am honest with myself. There will never be enough words to come close to how much I miss my Scott and how breast cancer affected me personally, changed me forever.

But maybe with a few words, I can let someone know they are not alone. Maybe I can share something of myself, that touches another. Maybe I can say, I know cancer - both as a caregiver and as a patient. Maybe I can bring comfort, friendship and a hug in a few lines of poetry. Maybe I can give someone the courage to express their own realities of having a serious illness, or being a caregiver to a family member.

In a way, writing is a means of survival for me, to reach out, to show caring to others, to speak my truth, to say I have been there..I know. I know I will survive. My Scott was a survivor, a fighter, a man with his own voice and strong inner core. He was his own man, walking his own road and this is one reason I admired him so much. I try to live this kind of life as well.

"I took the road less traveled by and that has made all the difference" - Robert Frost.

Scott and I will be together again, sitting on the brightest star, drinking a Starbucks and just loving one another in simple moments of peaceful bliss. But until then I miss him terribly and long for my best love and my best friend. That is a reality of loss. It just plain hurts.